Am I Sisyphus?

In Greek mythology, the story of Sisyphus is a couple of man who was punished for eternity by endlessly having to push an enormous boulder up a hill as it could roll again down every time simply earlier than reaching the highest.  Some interpretations of the story view this battle as describing an limitless and pointless job.  However one other, written by Albert Camus in his essay, The Delusion of Sisyphus, concludes by explaining that it’s the battle that “is sufficient to fill a person’s coronary heart.”  The piece ends with the road, “One should think about Sisyphus comfortable.”

Getting again on the horse . . .

In some ways, proper now I really feel like Sisyphus.  However I’m not comfortable.  I see the story of Sisyphus a bit in another way.  Whereas he might have been condemned to push the boulder up the hill for eternity, any real-world interpretation of this should account for our free will to have interaction in such battle.  And whereas battle brings change and progress, it doesn’t assure happiness.

Final week, I wrote about all I achieved in coaching for the NYC Marathon that I didn’t run due tearing my hamstring 5 days earlier than the race.  That continues to be true, and I stay sure that the emotional ache comes from an excellent place.  It represents all that I achieved.  However every week later, as I look in the direction of coaching for subsequent 12 months’s race, the scars are actual.  I at all times knew that operating a marathon is fragile, however maybe naively, I didn’t notice it was this fragile.

There’s a deep which means behind the expression, “getting again on the horse.”  It’s not nearly beginning over once more.  It represents the concern and anxiousness of taking up a course of that resulted in ache.  It’s not straightforward, and there are occasions in my life the place I let that insecurity maintain me again.

As a younger teenager, I as soon as fell whereas ice skating and landed on my naked head.  I used to be recognized with a concussion, and it took a number of months earlier than I attempted to go skating once more.  Once I did, I used to be afraid, and I left the ice.  A number of years later, I attempted once more, however the pleasure was misplaced.  I struggled at it and by no means actually took it up once more.  Deep down, I knew that I missed the chance to get again on the horse once I waited for thus lengthy after my concussion.  The concern simply continued to mount after that.  There’s nothing out of the strange on this story, however it speaks to why, it may be higher to be Sisyphus than to make use of one’s free will to surrender.  Sisyphus by no means allowed the self-doubt he absolutely endured to intrude together with his pursuit to achieve the highest.

Making an attempt time and again doesn’t imply condemnation to failure . . .

One other space the place I differ in my interpretation of Sisyphus is whether or not he was actually condemned to maintain failing.  A quote I lately heard that rings so true to me is, “it’s solely inconceivable as a result of it hasn’t been finished but.”  This, once more, is the place I really feel like Sisyphus.  It’s not that it was inconceivable to achieve the highest of the hill with the boulder, it’s simply that it doesn’t at all times occur merely since you strive exhausting.

Greater than ever, I do know there’s no assure that I’ll end the marathon.  I’ve mentioned that before, however what makes this dream so particular is that it as soon as felt inconceivable.  But, by the expertise I’ve gained from coaching and attempting, I do know it was solely ever inconceivable as a result of I haven’t finished it but.  The one technique to change that’s to maintain attempting.  As Andrew Fowl wrote in his track, Sisyphus, “I’d fairly fail like a mortal than flail like a god on a lightning rod.”  Which brings me to my subsequent lesson about Sisyphus . . .

The one failure is the failure to study . . .

If there’s any true tragedy within the story, it’s that Sisyphus stored doing the identical factor time and again anticipating a distinct outcome.  That’s broadly generally known as the definition of madness, and it’s right here the place I refuse to imagine I’m Sisyphus.  The one technique to get that boulder onto the highest of the hill is to study from the prior failures.  So, as I take this time to clear my head, begin bodily remedy, and mirror on the journey, I’ve repeatedly requested myself “What did I do mistaken?”  And “What would I do in another way?”  I’ve some ideas on that starting from how I reply to ache and discomfort to how I steadiness coaching and life.  I don’t have all of the solutions but, however I’ve discovered from this.  I do know my physique higher – each by way of how a lot it could possibly do and when it wants relaxation or therapy.  I do know my thoughts higher too – by way of its capacity to focus intensely on this and its have to let go at instances.  And I do know that I simply obtained so shut that I can’t let concern cease me from this.  However none of that equates to happiness. 

Sisyphus needn’t really feel comfortable . . .

The sensation of not getting that boulder to the highest of the hill leaves me feeling empty – extra so than I knew final week.  As I walked by the town final Monday, I may spot a few of those that ran the marathon typically by the way in which they walked so gingerly.  They did so with pleasure, as some even wore the medal they earned.  I walked gingerly with them, however with no medal to point out for it.

As a substitute, I stand right here on the backside of the hill able to strive as soon as once more push to the boulder to the highest.  As I accomplish that, I notice that I don’t even need to really feel comfortable but.  If I did, it could reduce the need to achieve the final word outcome.  I need happiness to come back from success.  I need it to be a part of what I’m striving to realize.

As I’ve written earlier than, I’ve visualized the marathon so typically together with numerous instances I’ve seen myself crossing the end line.  Whereas there’s numerous progress and reward within the journey, I see the smile that comes because the medal is put round my neck.  Happiness lies in getting the boulder to the highest of the hill.  Not as a result of it’s the vacation spot, however as a result of it’s a step within the bigger journey the place I then need to attain for extra.  Sisyphus needn’t really feel comfortable but.  I wouldn’t need him to.  I need to know that he’s reaching for the emotional reward that comes from reaching the aim.

There’s a distinction between unhappiness and despair.  Despair is void of hope.  The unhappiness I really feel at this time, and that I need to think about Sisyphus feeling, doesn’t and shouldn’t take away the all that’s gained from the battle, nor ought to it stop the braveness to pursue the dream.  Unhappiness just isn’t, as Camus says, “the rock’s victory.”  Quite it’s the hope for the smile to come back when the aim is achieved.  Camus isn’t completely mistaken in his penultimate line when he wrote, “The battle itself in the direction of the heights is sufficient to fill a person’s coronary heart.”  However it needn’t be stuffed completely with pleasure.  It’s okay for unhappiness to carry a spot within the coronary heart that motivates the need to succeed.  It’s alright to take delight within the journey and really feel the emotional ache of failing to realize the dream.  It’s alright to hope for the elation that comes with the medal.  For me, it’s what drives the need to spend eternity attempting, if want be.

Aaron